Hold Me Tight

Hold Me Tight was my way of coming to terms with aging. It existed in a state of nostalgic reverie, idealizing my younger days. Those days had slipped away, but I wasn't ready to let them go. Through this project, I coped with the loss of my youth by reliving it through staged images.

I had begun this project when I turned thirty-eight; it was the first time I started feeling dread about my birthdays. I was approaching forty quickly, which meant crossing the threshold into middle age. Reaching this milestone continued to stir complex feelings. My perception of myself as a young woman no longer matched the person I saw in the mirror. I was proud of the woman I had become, but I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling of knowing that half of my life was behind me.

These performative self-portraits were my way of articulating my experience with growing older. Both females in the images are me. I photographed myself multiple times and then stitched the images together to create an exchange between past and present. By duplicating myself within the image, I imagined going on a journey with my former self. Embracing her, I tried to hold onto the feeling of her. The solitary images captured my current state and the inner turmoil I confronted. They revealed the absence of my younger self, as I presented myself as a daydreamer longing for the past. In these visuals, I strived to convey the yearning and idealization of my youthful days.

The scenes I created through this process conjured memories of my younger days. I gave myself a space to play and re-experience that ephemeral spirit of youth while I mourned its loss. I portrayed both versions of myself the same to emphasize that it was my present self revisiting a memory. My goal was to capture the subtleties of those moments and create images that allowed the viewer to get lost in the possibilities they suggested. By sharing my personal journey, I aimed to provide a space for reflection on their own experiences.